based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
