her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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