maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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