So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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