Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
