I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
