I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
