Yo dont text me then not text me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
