"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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