I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
