I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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