I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
