she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
