Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
