my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think a kid would responsible me up
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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