my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
