HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
