I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
