Pappa wants mamma naked
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
