She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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