I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
