You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
