Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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