Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
