Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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