so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is the high leading the old right now
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
