So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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