She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
