This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
