ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
