Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
