both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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