I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
