I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
