____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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