my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you made out with another girl for some wings
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