Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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