My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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