dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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