Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
