he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
