She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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