You just made me feel so damn special
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Drake has all the answers
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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