3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
