Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
