Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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