I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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