hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
