I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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