I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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