What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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