After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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