I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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