I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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