Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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